The new year means resolutions, but I have never really been a fan of those. I am going to focus on working on a few areas of my life that need some improvement. I think if I look at them as changes or improvements to my lifestyle, I hopefully will be more successful. Because they really are things that I will need to continually work at and give attention to for all the days ahead of me. I don't expect or want the quick fix, because in the long run they just don't stick. I want to adapt and change my ways so I will always be doing better and working to improve things over the long run.
Areas of my life that I am focusing on are the following:
1. Organization - My house is a mess. I have let things get out of control and now I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. I HATE THIS FEELING! I am tired of clutter, mess, junk, and piles of crap. I vow to get things cleaned up and get a organizational system in check. I have done some little improvements this past year, and they have been good, but overall I could be doing so much better. My first step here is forming a plan of attack and starting where I can see great results fast. If I start with something small and achieve desired results quickly, I will be motivated to keep going. So I am going to scope out my house and plan a tactical course of action and get each room in this house organized. I am so determined it is insane. Let's hope it works.
2. Personal Interests - I feel like for the last decade of my life I have been living for others and not myself. I had kids and all of a sudden what was important to me got put on the back burner. I don't think that is right. Yes, I should give my children my love and attention and care well for them, but I also cannot lose my self identity. I feel like I have done just that, unfortunately. I really don't do much for me and that is kind of sad.
I had goals in life at one point and it seems like they have all just slipped away. So, I have decided to focus on me a little bit more this year and see how it feels. I think I will be a happier person if I give myself a few opportunities to enjoy MY life instead of giving to others so their lives are complete all the time.
One of the things I want to focus on are reading for my own pleasure and not feeling guilty about it. I don't read much any more because I ALWAYS have tons of laundry to fold, crap to clean up and things to work on for my family. When I sit down to read a little I have this nagging feeling that I really should be cleaning up some mess or folding laundry instead of relaxing and enjoying 30 minutes of "fun" time. I'd like to ignore those feelings and read because it was always such an important and enjoyable activity and I miss it.
Another thing I would like to work on is getting back to learning how to really sew well. I took a sewing class and I need to practice so badly, but I never give myself time for it. I want to be able to work on my skills a little bit each day. If I could plan some time at least a few times a week to work on improving my skills, that would be fun and wonderful!
3. Physical health - It isn't a surprise that I need to lose weight. I have gained a lot of weight from when I was pregnant with my fourth child and the two years since giving birth. I got motivated last year and started running every day. I was doing so well and I was running nearly three miles a day and I lost 25 pounds. Then things came to a crashing halt when the tornado hit in June and the stress and anxiety since then have thrown me so off track.
As a result, Lee had to work so many hours and dealing with the aftermath in our community really disturbed me. I couldn't sleep and was stressed from basically going from our normal routine to quite a different one. Lee's work schedule ramped up and he was very busy with his work responsibilities.
Unfortunately, when I am stressed I eat and that was the straw that broke this camel's back. Actually this in combination with injuring my foot and knee, which threw me off my exercise routine drastically. Since last June I have been limping along (literally and figuratively) and just barely keeping it all together on the surface. But, underneath I have been struggling and gasping and feeling like a big huge failure.
I gained at least 15-20 pounds back since June. I don't even really know because I am too ashamed to get on the scale to find out. I can just estimate based on how my clothes fit (or don't fit, I should say). I would really like to focus on eating healthier and being more active. I have actually started on the healthy eating and feel in a week I have already made some good changes. I am incorporating a lot more fruits and vegetables and a lot less animal products. My goal is to be vegetarian some day, but I know that is a challenge with my meat loving family.
My goal is to start back on the treadmill, slowly but surely. I don't love running, but I feel that it is simple and convenient. I don't have time to go to a gym and drag my kids there, too. I plan to get up an hour earlier than normal and get at least 30 minutes in on the treadmill. I'd like to do that every day, but I am not sure that will always happen. My goal is five times a week. I think that is adequate.
I would like to lose at least 30 pounds to feel better and look a lot better. Ideally I think about 50 pounds would be great. I do not have a deadline for this because history has proven to me when I put a timeline on losing weight, I fail. I will live my life and strive to improve my eating habits, but I am not going to be militant about it. I am hoping the weight comes off consistently and at a good pace. Other than that, I cannot expect much more.
These are a few areas in my life that I plan on improving and focusing on. I hope that I will be successful. I hope that I do well. I hope that I have the desire and stubborness to stick with it. I hope that I do not fail. I HOPE.
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